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Your Resident Rinoa Fanboy and Aura Fan
- Posts:
- 300
- Group:
- Ast. Manager
- Member
- #2
- Joined:
- Jul 16, 2008
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Okay, well, originally my steam punk story was going to be a detective story, but I realised that I suck at detective stories and can only write them when they are full of cliches... So, I completely restarted, and completely edited the entire world of the story, the genre, the characters and... well.. everything.
And so, here is my new attempt at a steampunk story, although in the first chapter it isn't obvious that it is a steam punk story. It is also rather gothic in some of its content, and it is most definitely a fantasy!
Any comments and critique that can help me improve the current chapter or any future ones will be much appreciated! Anyways, without further ado;
Igneus Porta Chapter 1
Spoiler: click to toggle The wind blew heavily for a swiftly passing second, blowing a young girls red and black chequered skirt and blonde hair about wildly. The plants sitting in their pots on either side of the balcony rustled and a few leaves tore of them and floated to floor.
The blood red sunset seemed too set the world ablaze in front of her very eyes. The lush green fields that stretched for miles around turn a deep red and orange. A passenger train sped past through some trees in the distance which steam shooting from its chimney. The girl sighed softly.
“Another day gone…”
She turned around quickly. Her hair and the thin chains on her right arm swinging out to one side before settling into place as she walked toward a metal door into a brick built building. The door opened with a horrid creak that showed the hinges had not been oiled in a great deal of time. Strangely though, behind the door was not an entrance to the building, but more of the brick wall, with a strange circular design in the middle of the doorway.
The girl reached out her right arm and touched the design. As her finger tips connected with the symbol, a cross hanging from the chains on her arm illuminated. She spoke.
“Flamma porta expositus.”
As soon as she finished the sentence, the cross on her arm began to swing violently, and the symbol of the wall turned red. All of sudden the wall within the doorway was consumed by fire, and the girl stepped forward into the flames. A bright light consumed her, and the door closed by itself.
Within seconds she was in a long dark hallway. Voices filled with agony could be heard repeating themselves over and over as she walked forward toward a silver door with a square glass window in it. A dim light shone through the window, illuminating a section of the corridor nearest to the door. The rest was near pitch black. The illuminated area adjacent to the door revealed that the corridor was in fact similar to an excessively long school hall. Charred lockers covered the walls on both sides, and shadows or various different people were permanently grafted onto the locker doors, not moving at all, without anything to cast them.
Oddly, the girl felt a great more comfortable in the hallway than she did on the balcony where she had watched the sunset. As she neared the door, one of the shadows moved across the lockers and onto the door and began to speak.
“So Rhiena, how was the sunset today?” said the shadow. “Dull, red and short as always. Now David, if you don’t mind, I wish to see the Master.” “Why are you always so cold? All I am trying to do is get to know a beautiful girl.” “Simple. You’re a goddamn shadow! Now move!” shouted Rhiena. “I don’t want to. Not after that remark.”
The room suddenly began to shake heavily, and a deep voice filled the air.
“David. Let her pass now! That is an order!” “Ah! Y-yes Master… O-of course… I-I’m very sorry…” said David the shadow.
Rhiena chuckled to herself. Even after all the years she had been to that hallway and spoken to the shadows, seeing a shadow tremble was always funny to watch. David moved back to his place on the lockers to the right hand side of the door, and Rheina stepped forward, grapsing and turning the spherical door handle.
As she entered the next room, she shielded her eyes from the light. Even though it was dim, it was still blinding after the darkness of the corridor. It was always blinding at first. After a few seconds her eyes adjusted, and she looked around the room.
The room resembled a burnt out classroom. Charred desks and knocked over chairs littered the area, and the blinds covering the windows had blood stains all over them. A man dressed in a pale white suit with black shoes and long black hair sat on a darkly coloured throne at the far side of the classroom, in front of the chalkboard.
“Good evening Rhiena. I must apologize about David. He has been rather restless whilst you were out watching the sunset.”
Time sped past so much faster in the corridor and the classroom than in the “real” world. One hour on Earth was the equivalent of a year in the classroom.
“It’s fine Master. I apologize for being gone so long…” replied Rhiena. “Now now my dear, you know I do not wish you to apologize for anything.” “… I know, Master.” “I want you to get some rest for a few hours. You are to be sent back out there soon. I want you to watch over Sector 37-A throughout their night.” “Yes, Master.” “Very good. Now, go and rest up please.”
Rheina nodded and turned to face the windows on the left. She walked toward it muttering inaudible words, and her cross illuminated again. Within an instant the windows and wall split in two vertically and folded up like an accordion, revealing another corridor behind it. This second hallway was lit very well, and resembled a high class hotel.
The floor was covered in a red velvet carpet, and the wooden walls let up to a cream-coloured ceiling that house numerous small chandeliers. Rheina reached the fourth large wooden door on the left and open it swiftly, entering her bedroom and closing the door behind her.
The style of the previous hallway remained unchanged in her bedroom. However, she had placed a dark purple king sized bed under a window opposite the door. There was also a solid black dressing cabinet, complete with a broken mirror on the left hand side of the room.
Rheina stepped forward slowly, dropping her skirt and removing her blouse, revealing a very pale yet beautiful girls body with numerous scars on her back, before climbing into the heavy covers on her bed. She stared up at the ceiling and nodded. The lights flickered off by themselves and she closed her bright blue eyes and breathed deeply. The silence in the room was always so comforting. It was only a matter of minutes before she fell asleep.
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